However, there's a problem. Now most people would assume those statistics would be good news- after all, that's practically a perfect scenario for every person on this world to have a significant other.
So what's the problem?
Glad you asked. There are too many boys in this world. Now before you go back to reread all those statistics to make sure you read them correctly, let me explain.
I read a quote about a week ago that really smacked me in the face. Hard. In fact, it's practically the reason I'm writing this blog. The quote is as follows:
"A godly man must be faithful to his wife even though he does not have one yet." ~Dominic Russo
Smack. In that instant, I began to think about my future wife. I pictured this scene in my head. I imagined her upset, almost to the point of tears, and I felt.. guilty. It was nothing I had done to her, nothing I had said, not even something I didn't do. She was upset because of something I had done years before, back before we had even met. And even though she wasn't present during that part of my life, it hurt her.
The wheels in my head started turning. I didn't have anything specific in my mind that I had 'done' in the scenario, so I wasn't focusing on doing, or not doing, anything specific. I had the realization that something I am doing today could affect my wife years down the road. My past, present, and future will define who I am when I'm older.
There are so many boys in this world who live for the moment. They sleep around with girls, they pick up a joint for a 30-minute buzz, they put the pedal to the medal and fly down the interstates at jaw-dropping speeds, the list goes on and on- you know what boys do.
Boys are adventurous. It's our nature. We're wild at heart. There's something in a boy's heart that loves the thrill of action. However, there comes a time when we have to put aside those desires. There comes a point when a boy needs to become a man.
Boys, listen up.
Lord willing, you will have a family someday. You'll grow up to have a beautiful wife, with little children holding onto your legs saying, "Daddy, don't go!" You'll hear your favorite sound as you pretend to be a big, scary tickle monster, chasing the little ones as they scream and giggle in anticipation. You'll come back from a long day of work, and even after working that 15 hour over time shift, you'll have a smile on your face because you see your little 2 year old standing at the door with a grin from ear to ear. You may not have the biggest house or the most expensive clothes, but you'll have a family. And in the end, that's all you'll ever need.
You may not be in a relationship now, in fact you may be wondering if you'll ever be in a relationship, but don't lose sight of the future. Stop trying to hit on every girl you see, stop trying to get the attention of the new girl in town, stop even trying to get that girl's number.
If you strive to be in a relationship, you will drown in your foolishness. Keep your focus on God, I promise He will lead you on the right path. After all, who knows our future better than the one who created it? We should not strive to be in a relationship, but rather we should be focusing on our relationship with God. The people around you? Make friends. Get to know them. Encourage them. When you take your focus off the wrong things and put it on the right things, you'll be surprised how many great people are around you. Cherish those people. Love them. Have an impact in their lives. And when the time comes, and God leads you to the girl of your dreams, you'll have a much greater foundation than you did before.
As you grow in your relationship with God, He will mold you into the husband he intended you to be. He will form you. He will teach you what it means to be devoted to another soul, without having you perform 'experiments' to figure it out.
And as for the girls who are reading this (yes, I know you're there..), I encourage the same for you. Strive for a man that will love you, encourage you, help you grow spiritually.. and most importantly a man that will raise your children. A man that your daughters will trust. A man that your sons will look up to. Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you was because he heard God say, "There she is.."
amazing. well done, Gifford. Well done.
ReplyDeleteYou are being so totally ignorant of the fact that a growing number of people identify as homosexual. That will offset your ratio.
ReplyDeletereally....after this entire blog, that's what you are concerned about? the people identified as homosexual? apparently you didn't even get the point of the message. And even your homosexual confreres can learn a thing or two about how their actions affect (touch/move) or effect (influence), you choose which is best, their future. And if you didn't notice as well, Mr. Gifford's focus is about identifiably heterosexual individuals, striving to be monogamous in their life. (or, if you can handle offense, to everyone because they should strive to follow the natural order and "identify" as heterosexual in their interests/relationships). That's not ignorance. You're just hurt that this blog wasn't for you. :)
DeleteIt's not only the "homosexual" thing. I believe the entire notion of thinking about hurting someone that you don't even know yet is ridiculous. You can't live your entire life preoccupied with the future and someone that you "might" hurt. If the girl or boy is decent enough they'll understand that their new partner will have wanted to gain some life experience before entering a relationship they won't know how to handle mentally or sexually because of their lack. This whole piece was so backward, I just think it's funny that people still talk like this. It gives me the creeps.
DeleteThis entire post is from a Biblical worldview. That means the kind of men and women Eric is referring to don't look for the kind of "experiences" you're talking about. If you have them, you have turned away from that life style, realizing that God put Jesus in the world to take your burdens. Your significant other, if they are as focused on a relationship with God as you are, will understand that you have made bad decisions, but that does not mean it will hurt them any less. They will understand that we live in a world of sin, and that to be IN the world without being OF it can be very difficult. There are aspects of your life where you can live for today without forgetting to keep in mind what lay in the future. People should be looking for experiences like making a close knit group of friends instead of a broken heart. Or working not just for money, but because you've found something you genuinely love to do. Everything you do or forget to do impacts what will happen not only tomorrow, but years down the road. If you make bad decisions they can haunt you for a long time; for example, on How I Met Your Mother when Marshall is applying for a new job, a video of his drunken nakedness that was on the internet made him truly terrified he wouldn't get the job. now because this was a show, even after he made bad decisions, things seemed to go the right way for him. In real life if a boss saw that video, they probably wouldn't hire him.
DeleteVERY well said Eric, but I want to add one small thing you should a;so strive for.
ReplyDeleteBe the person that his or her parents have hoped and prayed that they wold fall in love with. That is important too.
Yes, But don't you see? If you follow God with all you heart you will be that person that they want for their daughter or son. Don't think about what others want of you. Search and study the Bible. That is the way that you will change is if you let the Bible and God's Spirit change you. That will make you into the husband you want to be and that you want you wife to want. Please don't take offense at anything I say; but look to God: He is the only One who is beautiful. This semester starting at Christmas break He has been showing me that I need to use His Word to fight. Anyway that was my 2 cents :D
DeleteThat's a pretty-sounding principle, and it works for people who:
Deletea) come from a stable family
b) will marry into a stable family
Sadly for our generation, including us in the church, that is an acute minority. I like to think that if I ever marry, it will be to someone with married Christian parents and I'd like to live up to the expectation that said theoretical parents would have. But at the same time I know that I can't aim for such a thing, knowing that my family background ought to be judged the way I judge that of my potential spouses.
"This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." Love you Eric! -Dad
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. Many of my friends and even myself often seem to lose hope that there are guys out there that will never leave from being a boy and rise up to the challenge of being a man, not only by being there for his family and his wife, but having a true relationship with Christ. His love for God will create a true love for his family, therefore His relationship with God must always be first, before His wife and family coming along, and after. I don't know you...but I really respect you just based off of reading your article. I want to encourage you to lead other "boys" by example....girls are praying for real men who truly love God.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why many Christians believe God has a special person for them. If we are all created equal than why would God create another human being for someone else? If we are all special and God loves us very much than why would God do that? The truth is that God's plan is not that you will marry the girl of your dreams and ride of into the sunset making lots of babies, who go to church every Sunday and say there prayers. God created people to serve and worship him. That's his plan for all people who accept Jesus his son as there Lord and savoir. If you serve an almighty powerful God, Why do you think God owes you a wife and family? Everyone who enters a relationship will carry baggage, your depiction of your non-existent wife crying over something you did in your past is hilarious because you don't have a wife and if you did I hope that she would know you well enough before marrying you that your past would be a problem for her. After reading your blog over a few times, I still find that you come across as having a rather selfish view on marriage and serving God. I encourage you to read what the Christian Bible has to say about "being faithful to your future wife". P.S. your dad is quite brave quoting God. God told Jesus after he was baptized that he was well pleased with his son. Jesus was in fact serving God. I feel as though your father has used this quote inappropriately for his is not God and you my friend are not Jesus.
ReplyDeleteHey there. I'll try not to dissect your post, but there are a few things I'd like to address.
DeleteThe first one is the rhetorical questions about God. You asked, "..why would God create another human being for someone else?" It's not a bad question to ask. The issue is that, in the absence of an answer, you appear to have assumed that God would not will to do so. English teachers would call that hubris. I just think it's jumping to conclusions. God does not require our understanding to do what he does. You'll notice I'm not proving otherwise, and I don't mean to. I think the topic should be open for discussion. Personally, I don't believe there to be only one possible compatible person for everyone, and I didn't see anything in this blog which would assert that to be the case.
Also, you said this "...you don't have a wife and if you did I hope that she would know you well enough before marrying you that your past would be a problem for her." The important idea Eric seems to be getting at here is that if you want to be the best husband possible, you need to start early. The fact that a man has stopped viewing pornography before he was married will not prevent it from causing serious marriage problems. Nor will his wife feel as safe or special knowing what her body is being compared to. So we need to be responsible to God while we are single, and that will help protect the hearts of the potential wives of the future.
I also want to point out that it is very possible "to serve and worship Him" while having a family. In fact, I believe that maintaining a healthy marriage and raising God-fearing kids is itself a way of serving God. Not THE way, but one of several.
The final challenge I have is about this: "Why do you think God owes you a wife and family?" I don't believe the blogger here claimed that God owes him anything. Speaking for myself, the only thing I deserve is the lake of fire. Fortunately for me, God's grace is sufficient for me to be saved. I also ask Him for my daily bread. God always provides for me, even when it seems I will be out on the streets, somehow God has always been faithful. Why then, without my deserving or being owed anything, is it any different from God's provision of a future spouse? I do not know that I will be married - to the contrary, I don't expect one way or the other. I am single for the time being and I'm pretty content, honestly. So without any sense of entitlement whatsoever, I trust that if indeed I am to be married someday, that God will take care of me (as He always does) by providing a suitable spouse.
I will also defend your statement about the quote from Eric's dad. The passage was, as you say, taken way out of context and does not carry its original meaning as used.
And hey, have a sweet day.
To address the concern which has been brought up (both on here and through social media), I would like to clear this up. I do not believe God 'owes' anybody a wife or a husband. I do not believe everybody will grow up and have a family; it's just not reasonable. Paul speaks in the Bible about why you should not strive to be married. I believe what many people are overlooking are the words, "Lord willing". If the Lord permits you to have a spouse, remain faithful. Start early. God is the only one who knows our future, surely we should trust Him in guiding us. If He doesn't permit you to have a spouse or a family, remain faithful to Christ. I think many people are focusing on the specifics and finding things to disagree with; I would encourage you to simply grasp the main idea of the blog, find something that you may get out of it. If not, then this blog just simply wasn't for you. Above all, look to the Bible for answers, it has more answers than any human will ever be able to give you. God bless you all.
DeleteI agree for the most part of your post but why are girls held up on a pedestal as if their perfect? This post puts a lot of pressure on the man, where the woman can do no wrong. I know we all know this, but girls all fall for the free spirited guys, wild at heart guys, the ones that live life and don't care. It's not till girls get their thrill of the wild at heat guys that they then settle down for a man that can take care of them and raise a family. I think this is an aspect of Christian relationships is overlooked and is really hurting the good Christian men that are out there.
ReplyDelete